Silence of the humans.
I think people should stop speaking. This is definitely the best solution to all of society’s problems.
Do you actually care about what anyone else has to say? Sure, it might be mildly interesting, especially if the person is telling a story about how they were seriously injured, but will your life cease to go on if you don’t know how the story ends? Are you really going to suffer and lay awake in bed because you do not know your friend Gabrielle’s entire life story? Will this change you as a person? What happened in Gabrielle’s past will in no way affect what happens to you in the future. It makes no difference if she won the 1972 dance contest. And quite frankly, her opinions on who will win the next World Series aren’t helping either. She barely even watches baseball, so why does she think her guess is any better than yours? Her telling you she thinks the Pittsburgh Pirates will win can only lead to two possibilities. A) you agree, B) you do not agree. Either way, the world has not been changed except 10 seconds of your life are gone that you will never be able to reclaim.
When other people speak it just gives you less time to think. And then when they finally shut up all you can think about is what an idiot they are. It hardly seems fair that just because someone likes the sound of his own voice he should be able to hold your mind hostage and infest it with his words. If nobody spoke people could think all the time and society would be much more advanced. We probably would have found a cure for AIDS by now if Marvin didn’t keep talking about his damn son to the other scientists. People are dying and yet speaking is a priority! What kind of sick world do we live in?
Dating would be much easier if there was no talking. You wouldn’t have to go through all the horrible conversations at the beginning. Sure, you would never know if you actually liked the person, but that really wouldn’t matter because you would never be able to fight anyway.
And just think of the poor people in society who have speech impediments or are already deaf. Right now they are the scum of the earth, kicked aside when any old regular talker comes waltzing through town. But if no one spoke, everyone would be equal and the world would be a much happier place. And besides, some people have loud and annoying voices and I want to rip out their vocal cords. Silence = safe vocal cords for everyone.
Students everywhere would be able to get their homework done because they would not be talking about boys on the phone. And there wouldn’t be any children screeching in the park across the street to give them a headache. They would also have a much easier time in school because they could never get in trouble for not listening or talking in class. And no one could really make fun of the loser students who still bring lunch in a lunch pail. Verbal abuse would stop, and now physical violence would be the only resort. One step at a time.
Telemarketers would be unable to phone. You wouldn’t have to worry about not understanding the voice at the Wendy’s drive-through. You wouldn’t have to decipher confusing accents. No one would be ale to ask you for spare change as you peacefully trudged to work. Nickelback would go out of business. And if you asked someone to dance at the school prom he wouldn’t be able to say his leg was broken.
If no one spoke there would be no disagreements and no fighting. We would all be happy and could just live in our quaint houses sipping tea and petting cats. We could all assume we were right about everything, which would make us feel more intelligent, and self-esteem would be at an all-time national high. We would no longer have to dread going out in public because someone might say hello, or because we might see an attractive male and have to act all suave. The world would be a precious utopia and we could frolic about in silent glee. Wars would cease. Social awkwardness would be a disease of the past. You and I would at last know true happiness. Well, unless you’re blind. Which you aren’t, because you’re reading this. So there.
Do you actually care about what anyone else has to say? Sure, it might be mildly interesting, especially if the person is telling a story about how they were seriously injured, but will your life cease to go on if you don’t know how the story ends? Are you really going to suffer and lay awake in bed because you do not know your friend Gabrielle’s entire life story? Will this change you as a person? What happened in Gabrielle’s past will in no way affect what happens to you in the future. It makes no difference if she won the 1972 dance contest. And quite frankly, her opinions on who will win the next World Series aren’t helping either. She barely even watches baseball, so why does she think her guess is any better than yours? Her telling you she thinks the Pittsburgh Pirates will win can only lead to two possibilities. A) you agree, B) you do not agree. Either way, the world has not been changed except 10 seconds of your life are gone that you will never be able to reclaim.
When other people speak it just gives you less time to think. And then when they finally shut up all you can think about is what an idiot they are. It hardly seems fair that just because someone likes the sound of his own voice he should be able to hold your mind hostage and infest it with his words. If nobody spoke people could think all the time and society would be much more advanced. We probably would have found a cure for AIDS by now if Marvin didn’t keep talking about his damn son to the other scientists. People are dying and yet speaking is a priority! What kind of sick world do we live in?
Dating would be much easier if there was no talking. You wouldn’t have to go through all the horrible conversations at the beginning. Sure, you would never know if you actually liked the person, but that really wouldn’t matter because you would never be able to fight anyway.
And just think of the poor people in society who have speech impediments or are already deaf. Right now they are the scum of the earth, kicked aside when any old regular talker comes waltzing through town. But if no one spoke, everyone would be equal and the world would be a much happier place. And besides, some people have loud and annoying voices and I want to rip out their vocal cords. Silence = safe vocal cords for everyone.
Students everywhere would be able to get their homework done because they would not be talking about boys on the phone. And there wouldn’t be any children screeching in the park across the street to give them a headache. They would also have a much easier time in school because they could never get in trouble for not listening or talking in class. And no one could really make fun of the loser students who still bring lunch in a lunch pail. Verbal abuse would stop, and now physical violence would be the only resort. One step at a time.
Telemarketers would be unable to phone. You wouldn’t have to worry about not understanding the voice at the Wendy’s drive-through. You wouldn’t have to decipher confusing accents. No one would be ale to ask you for spare change as you peacefully trudged to work. Nickelback would go out of business. And if you asked someone to dance at the school prom he wouldn’t be able to say his leg was broken.
If no one spoke there would be no disagreements and no fighting. We would all be happy and could just live in our quaint houses sipping tea and petting cats. We could all assume we were right about everything, which would make us feel more intelligent, and self-esteem would be at an all-time national high. We would no longer have to dread going out in public because someone might say hello, or because we might see an attractive male and have to act all suave. The world would be a precious utopia and we could frolic about in silent glee. Wars would cease. Social awkwardness would be a disease of the past. You and I would at last know true happiness. Well, unless you’re blind. Which you aren’t, because you’re reading this. So there.
posted by Laura @ 1:25 a.m.
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