Wait for it . . .

You always see these places that advertise “key cutting while you wait” or “t-shirts printed while you wait.” These businesses put up these signs to make it seem like this is some sort of great time-saving bargain. But really, who wants to wait? It actually seems like quite a nuisance to me that I would have to stand there WAITING while some damned fool cuts my keys. I want them immediately or I want to shop and return on my own free will. I don’t want to stand there looking at engravable flasks for 20 minutes. If the signs specified the length of time I would have to wait, that might not be so bad. “We fix your shoes and you ONLY have to wait 10 minutes!” Then I can prepare and bring the proper reading material. I don’t want to randomly wait for an unknown period of time. When you enter a waiting room you’re often stuck waiting for three hours if Jimmy didn’t wash his hands and they played tag that day in gym class. I could technically be in that key shop for the rest of my life, the clerk handing me my spare car key as I take my last dying breath. I don’t want to die in a mall. Especially not in a store with such disgruntled staff as those who work in KeyMan Engravables. Seriously, those people are miserable, and the reason is because they have to deal with customers who pace about the store all day sighing and checking their watches. These places really need to change the wording so the message is clearer. The word “wait” is so negative. Why not say “guitar repair while you enjoy our lovely shop.” And do they really need to specify that you’ll be waiting at all? Clearly if I need a skate sharpened it will not instantaneously apparate back into my hockey bag. If you want something there will inevitably be some waiting involved. It just depends on how MUCH waiting! Why not put up signs that say “house built while you wait!” or “cure for AIDS while you wait!” They’re both true, and it sounds much more optimistic. I think I have a solution that will solve this dilemma. Uh – just wait my Mom’s calling me –

(Haha – get it? That ending was “ironic.” That’s what good writing is all about - the surprise twist at the end.)