Dressing Down Dresses
Unless I am at a strip club, which I currently am not (and likely will not be in future), the last thing I want to see on stage is a fellow woman’s crotch. To be quite honest, the last thing I want to see in any given situation is a fellow woman’s crotch. I don’t believe this is simply because I am a wholesome young lady who wishes to be married some day and values traditional romance. I believe this is because crotches are rather distracting items and, unless I have set out to specifically view a crotch, a random crotch sighting will likely take away from whatever it is I did initially set out to see.
I have noticed a trend recently on the sketch and improv stages in Toronto that offends me as a performer, audience member and woman. It seems the hip thing to do these days it to improvise in a skirt – often a ridiculously short one, often with bare legs or non-opaque tights. Unless these lady improvisers plan to present a variety of scenes involving Lindsay Lohan getting out of a taxi, these hot little outfits simply are not practical. The entire point of improv is that things are made up on the spot (aka improvised) and thus one never knows what compromising situation she will be required to take part in. When a skirt is being worn – especially without opaque tights or vaudeville-esque bloomers underneath – an improviser has now limited herself in what she can do. When making physical choices she will now be judging every thought based on the cute little number she’s adorning. This means she will likely end up standing around awkwardly throughout the entire scene, just doing a lot of talking. And God knows women never shut up as it is. Anyway, she has basically rendered herself a robotic little trophy wife who daren’t move lest a wisp of hair stray out of place. She has basically made herself a talking mannequin on stage, but not even a cool talking mannequin like Jeff from Today’s Special who often danced about and sang semi-educational songs. More like the Tin Man after only his mouth had been oiled. And really – he was by far inferior to the Scarecrow or the Cowardly Lion.
Now, let’s say the improviser in question is very in the moment and holds her commitment to the scene above her modesty. I respect this far more because she is doing what she is there to do – improvise, not sell the latest H&M creation – but this leads to a number of highly uncomfortable moments for the audience. As open-minded and liberal as any given audience may be, no one wants to feel like a pervert peering up a young woman’s dress as she straddles a chair. Sitting on a chair is an inherent problem as, unless the legs are crossed in the most ladylike fashion, the slight raised level of the stage paired with the slight lowered level of the audience puts viewers’ eyes at crotch level. A sceptic may argue, “Well, just don’t look!” but this is not as easy as it seems. When a female player is writhing about in a skirt a mixture of emotions is experienced by the audience. Some may feel a lusty emotion, wanting to catch a glimpse of the secret lady area as they are very sad and came to the show alone because they found zero matches on e-Harmony. Some may feel a concerned emotion, empathizing with the girl and trying to reposition her skirt using telekinesis. Some may feel an awkward emotion, as one would feel if she were to accidentally burst into an occupied toilet stall. Some may feel a horrified emotion, such as one experiences when passing a four-car pile-up on the 401 – not wanting to see the gruesome aftermath but feeling compelled to stare. Other people may be blind and their emotion would likely remain unchanged. In any case, these emotions have nothing to do with the scene at hand, which may also be evoking a completely different emotion. This inner struggle confuses the audience to the point that they are unable to focus on the scene, but only able to stare fixedly at the cellulite that appears to be located a mere two inches from the woman’s bottom. Thus, when leaving the show, instead of cleverly observing, “I rather enjoyed how that marshmallow scene explored the exploitation of natural resources in South America” a woman may observe “Ew, could that chick’s dress have been any shorter? I mean, you could totally see everything and the dress clashed with her hair anyway.” So basically the short, short skirt has undone all the hard work that was put into creating art on stage.
As well, although this observation on fashion is completely valid, passers-by who hear this remark may then judge the female audience member as being superficial, and then may judge women as a whole as only being concerned with fashion. The short, short skirt has now resulted in a major blow to equality. And how can women and men be equal on stage when women are putting these limitations on themselves? Women in general have a tough enough time in improv and comedy as it is. In a field long dominated by men, unless women are playing alongside top quality improvisers, they are often endowed as being wives, secretaries, nurses, victims, cats, or unused bookshelves in the background. To get to the top in improv, women have to deal with a lot of shitty roles, on-stage sexism, being yelled over – women do have to fight to get to a level at which the men they are working with aren’t total douchebags. But that means the douchebags are in the audience and they are staring up your skirt. Perhaps this is precisely it – perhaps women have fought so hard that they are saying “fuck you, men!” and embracing the skirt like the gay community has embraced the word “queer” or like Amy Winehouse embraced her rampant alcoholism. Thing is, the word “queer” can still hurt a gay man’s feelings and Amy Winehouse still had to go to rehab. Taking something bad and making it your own doesn’t mean everyone wants to see your cha-cha.
Basically, ladies, improv is not about looking hot or cute or sexy or like a total whore. It is about being versatile – sometimes looking like a fool, sometimes looking hideous, sometimes looking like a geek and, well, yes, sometimes looking like a total whore. If you want people to be stunned by your shapely upper thighs, stick around for drinks and change into your whore costume after the show. I guarantee this will be far more magical – like when girls take their hair down and remove their glasses in movies. The high school hunk always asks them out. Why? Because it turns out they were secretly impressed by the girl’s intelligence and quirkiness first and needed that magical moment to realize it. Or skip the middle man and start performing at Zanzibar. No one will ever complain that your dress clashed with your hair and you’ll make a lot more money than you ever will in improv.
I have noticed a trend recently on the sketch and improv stages in Toronto that offends me as a performer, audience member and woman. It seems the hip thing to do these days it to improvise in a skirt – often a ridiculously short one, often with bare legs or non-opaque tights. Unless these lady improvisers plan to present a variety of scenes involving Lindsay Lohan getting out of a taxi, these hot little outfits simply are not practical. The entire point of improv is that things are made up on the spot (aka improvised) and thus one never knows what compromising situation she will be required to take part in. When a skirt is being worn – especially without opaque tights or vaudeville-esque bloomers underneath – an improviser has now limited herself in what she can do. When making physical choices she will now be judging every thought based on the cute little number she’s adorning. This means she will likely end up standing around awkwardly throughout the entire scene, just doing a lot of talking. And God knows women never shut up as it is. Anyway, she has basically rendered herself a robotic little trophy wife who daren’t move lest a wisp of hair stray out of place. She has basically made herself a talking mannequin on stage, but not even a cool talking mannequin like Jeff from Today’s Special who often danced about and sang semi-educational songs. More like the Tin Man after only his mouth had been oiled. And really – he was by far inferior to the Scarecrow or the Cowardly Lion.
Now, let’s say the improviser in question is very in the moment and holds her commitment to the scene above her modesty. I respect this far more because she is doing what she is there to do – improvise, not sell the latest H&M creation – but this leads to a number of highly uncomfortable moments for the audience. As open-minded and liberal as any given audience may be, no one wants to feel like a pervert peering up a young woman’s dress as she straddles a chair. Sitting on a chair is an inherent problem as, unless the legs are crossed in the most ladylike fashion, the slight raised level of the stage paired with the slight lowered level of the audience puts viewers’ eyes at crotch level. A sceptic may argue, “Well, just don’t look!” but this is not as easy as it seems. When a female player is writhing about in a skirt a mixture of emotions is experienced by the audience. Some may feel a lusty emotion, wanting to catch a glimpse of the secret lady area as they are very sad and came to the show alone because they found zero matches on e-Harmony. Some may feel a concerned emotion, empathizing with the girl and trying to reposition her skirt using telekinesis. Some may feel an awkward emotion, as one would feel if she were to accidentally burst into an occupied toilet stall. Some may feel a horrified emotion, such as one experiences when passing a four-car pile-up on the 401 – not wanting to see the gruesome aftermath but feeling compelled to stare. Other people may be blind and their emotion would likely remain unchanged. In any case, these emotions have nothing to do with the scene at hand, which may also be evoking a completely different emotion. This inner struggle confuses the audience to the point that they are unable to focus on the scene, but only able to stare fixedly at the cellulite that appears to be located a mere two inches from the woman’s bottom. Thus, when leaving the show, instead of cleverly observing, “I rather enjoyed how that marshmallow scene explored the exploitation of natural resources in South America” a woman may observe “Ew, could that chick’s dress have been any shorter? I mean, you could totally see everything and the dress clashed with her hair anyway.” So basically the short, short skirt has undone all the hard work that was put into creating art on stage.
As well, although this observation on fashion is completely valid, passers-by who hear this remark may then judge the female audience member as being superficial, and then may judge women as a whole as only being concerned with fashion. The short, short skirt has now resulted in a major blow to equality. And how can women and men be equal on stage when women are putting these limitations on themselves? Women in general have a tough enough time in improv and comedy as it is. In a field long dominated by men, unless women are playing alongside top quality improvisers, they are often endowed as being wives, secretaries, nurses, victims, cats, or unused bookshelves in the background. To get to the top in improv, women have to deal with a lot of shitty roles, on-stage sexism, being yelled over – women do have to fight to get to a level at which the men they are working with aren’t total douchebags. But that means the douchebags are in the audience and they are staring up your skirt. Perhaps this is precisely it – perhaps women have fought so hard that they are saying “fuck you, men!” and embracing the skirt like the gay community has embraced the word “queer” or like Amy Winehouse embraced her rampant alcoholism. Thing is, the word “queer” can still hurt a gay man’s feelings and Amy Winehouse still had to go to rehab. Taking something bad and making it your own doesn’t mean everyone wants to see your cha-cha.
Basically, ladies, improv is not about looking hot or cute or sexy or like a total whore. It is about being versatile – sometimes looking like a fool, sometimes looking hideous, sometimes looking like a geek and, well, yes, sometimes looking like a total whore. If you want people to be stunned by your shapely upper thighs, stick around for drinks and change into your whore costume after the show. I guarantee this will be far more magical – like when girls take their hair down and remove their glasses in movies. The high school hunk always asks them out. Why? Because it turns out they were secretly impressed by the girl’s intelligence and quirkiness first and needed that magical moment to realize it. Or skip the middle man and start performing at Zanzibar. No one will ever complain that your dress clashed with your hair and you’ll make a lot more money than you ever will in improv.
posted by Laura @ 2:20 a.m.
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